The 4 Pillars of Change

If you don’t change your beliefs,

your life will be like this forever. Is that good news?

W. Somerset Maugham

Change is hard, scary and uncomfortable. Generally speaking, people do not change until the pain of remaining the same outweighs the pain of change.

Let’s look at a universal example of this, when change (or action) occurs only after the pain of remaining the same is too much to handle. Recall a time when you were laying in a nice warm bed, having an amazing and restful sleep, when you were interrupted with the urgency of a full bladder. You know what I’m talking about! You lay there, thinking “no, I don’t want to get out of my comfy bed. I will just ignore it and it will go away”… but of course it doesn’t go away – it just gets more insistent! You might try to ignore it for a while longer, falling back into a fitful sleep (because you have to pee and your bladder is bursting!). Eventually the biological need will exceed the desire to sleep, and you make your way to the toilet. The relief at this point in palpable; you literally sigh (or shudder – you know who you are!) with the sweet release of your overfull bladder. And then you go back to bed, relieved, relaxed and wondering why you made such a big deal about getting up in the first place.

This is the cycle of change. We, as humans, are hardwired to resist it. The fear of the unknown, of change, is greater than the pain of our present reality. Until it’s not. That’s the kicker; once we get to the other side, we often wonder what we made such a big deal about in the first place!

As unique and individual as human beings are, we all have this in common; we all experience resistance to change.

Once we accept this, that there is nothing wrong with us in the fact that we have resistance, then we can get with the business of overcoming it and making the changes we want in our lives.

One area where I want to change – and know that I need to – is in my time wasting habits. I know that everytime I choose to open a game app on my phone that I am engaging in a complete time waster. I can’t use the argument that it’s relaxing or calming, or even educational. It’s actually quite boring, when I really think about it, and I end up getting irritated with myself for wasting my time on phone games. So why don’t I CHANGE this behaviour? What’s stopping me from putting the phone down and being more productive?

Resistance, plain and simple (yet not so simple to execute). The ‘pain’ of wasting time playing games is not yet stronger than the ‘pain’ of putting down my phone. How, then, do we overcome these challenges?

One way to do this is with the 4 pillars of change:

1. Identifying your limiting beliefs – what are the stories we tell ourselves that keep us from moving forward in our lives?
2. Finding your strengths – we all have them and they are what make us unique and amazing individuals!
3. Changing your mindset – mindset is a choice. We have a choice in how we react and respond to the world around us.
4. Finding your purpose – we all have a purpose! It doesn’t have to be something grand like being Oprah or becoming President, but we all have a purpose, and when we find it we live a fuller life.

We will be exploring each of these pillars in depth in upcoming blog posts, starting with identifying some of the most common limiting beliefs.

Now it’s your turn. What areas in your life are you wanting to change but also resisting? Share in the comments, and stay tuned for the next blog post, where we will dive into the first pillar of change, Identifying our Limiting Beliefs.

Thanks for joining me, and until next time, be kind and find joy in the little things.

K